A heid like mince

Right! That’s two to walk but not to eat,
(I’ll note that on another sheet)
And three to eat, but not to walk;
(They hate the climb but love to talk!)
And fourteen pie, but ten with chips,
Four orange juice without the pips;
And five ham salads (make that six –
The rain has blurred my scribbled ticks);
Two chicken curries (one with rice)
I think I’ve counted Andy twice!
Aw jings, ma heid is full of mince –
Jist thinking on it makes me wince!

Right! That’s four (times two) will meet us there;
And Jack and Ann make up a pair;
And three will join us by the track;
But Barbara will double back
To take the children to the swings,
(Switch mobile on in case in she rings)
Until it’s time to meet for tea.
Now did I count them one or three? –
Aw jings, ma heid is full of mince –
Jist thinking on it makes me wince!

Right! Does everybody have a map?
Just listen up while I recap
The route. Please take a chocolate bar,
Return your mugs and lock the car.
Now there are thirty one for tea
Plus two – we must be thirty-three?
Right Miss White’s party this way please,
This kissing gate is quite a squeeze….
Aw jings, ma heid is full of mince –
Jist thinking on it makes me wince!

But all alone, or with a friend,
The reccé gives a chance to spend
A quiet day among the trees,
The folded hills and whispering breeze;
We glimpse a roe deer, raise a hare,
Stretch out to grasp the rowan where
The ancient bridge bestrides the burn.
And ponder as the seasons turn
From winter snow to autumn tints;
Why then – my head is clear of mince!